Adaptation

As i was cleaning up this messy place I live in here in Prague. I was thinking about the ultimate success. The thing I realized was that sucess is a delicate mesh of various ingrediences, one of which is ADAPTATION. It is not the pure strenght, it is ultimate ability to adapt that is imporant for sucess.

awaiting the vacation

these last days before vacation are just neverending, I usually put on myself more workload, so that I get the feeling I do deserve the rest. and maybe also to forget about other problems of my life... well fukit. i have 5 days to go and it still feels like eternity, three more ambassads, four more hotels and one more pub. and one still asks what the heck. why do I do all of this, wouldnt it be much easier to just buy a piece of land somewhere (or move somewhere up north, where land is basically for free and just live in a natural way, forget about all the internets, mp3s, OCRs and all the bull5hit? I dont know, really, i know that I am a slave of the information technologies, but on the other hand, when I am for too long on the vacation in Slovak country in my home village, I just start longing after all that fuzz of technology and buzz of the city...

Well, some propaganda... 

But this is just completely sick... I mean isnt it? 

What the heck?  

Cannot find server

I was just thinking about the relations, as I was baking this carrot cake, this time actually with baking powder, so it tastes good, well I was thinking that I am developing much worse attitude towards relationships each time one of my relationships breaks.

I was thinking that maybe if I stayed with the first girl I fell in love with I would be faithful to her. Well, looking back at my relatioships, I think that each time my love is refused I get this impresion that it is not worth engaging in a lasting relationship.

But than on the other hand, I cannot only blame women, I mean, it is a question of egg and chicken, because due to the burn in relationship I dont take each relationship equally serious and than I cause the burn for somebody else. And here we come to my long advertise wish, I wish I had been female. I mean I am completelly comfortable being male, but I just admire females. I think I have this impression that females wouldnt do that kind of bad things as we males are able.

Help?

Reading the myriads of lines on the web and the megabites of published blogs, which are growing every day, I have a feeling that we are crying for help.

I think that our civilization has a serious problem.

Or maybe it is only my problem. Well, I know that I do have a problem, but I mean honestly who doesnt? Well I dont know what to do. I feel just completely out of place in a sense, I have a feeling that my life is going to end soon and the question posed is, what did I do? What is it going to stay here after me? Well, I dont know if this is normal, but, ya know, being in my early twenties, I should be experiencing midlife crisis. I am scared of future, scared of life, occasionally scared of people. But what if? And to realize that not every Why has its because...is nothing I would celebrate... well often I would like to become ignorant in a sense of ignorance is bliss, I dont worry about the environment anymore, I dont care about the world so much anymore, I mean it is out there and it doesnt care about me anyways so why should I care about it?

My religious background is somewhere back in the upper room, and I just cannot get back, as I have the feeling that guilt will NOT help, and even though some eternal or perfectly just entity might be there, I have a feeling I am here just on my own... and have to fight my way through. But in between the battles, I have an urge to ask, what will be after I win the war?

The damn old question I used to ask even at SBS is still unanswered. I mean Dean told me that the reason why live our lives can be to serve other people. But why? Because of some divine love? I just dont know. I want to be happy, but than I realize that happiness cannot be properly experienced without the pain. And that in order to appreciate the good I have to experience evil. That is actually the reason for the evil in the world. I guess it would be a boring world. But at least I think I want to create this nice boring world for those around me. Give love to limited number of those around me.

Well well well

After some time of blogging from Sweden in Slovak, I thought it might be fair not only reading the freakin bloggs but also write one in less exotic language, such as english...